Quick Update

Apparently I’m going on a cruise in June. Big, my oldest sister, wants to go for her birthday in June and since I’m graduating in May, I agreed. I don’t know how I’ll pay for it, but I’ll figure it out. Right now we’re looking toward a cruise which stops in Mexico and Cuba.

I don’t think I mentioned it yet, but I’m having surgery in mid-April and I’m very nervous about it. I’ve never been put out before or even had twilight sleep. After having an EMG on my arm today, I now officially have a carpal tunnel diagnosis. He said it was moderate and it’s being referred back to my doctor, but he suspects it will be rehab and steroid shots at a minimum and possibly surgery. So now I have a possible second surgery on the horizon.

Today Mom and I started our low-carb diet. I forgot how hard the first few days are! I’ve been starving and so has she. Mr. Beetle is also doing low-carb. Except when we see each other – we give ourselves a dinner cheat on those days, so once or twice a week.

Tomorrow is my mock interview and I’m oddly nervous about it. I suck at interviewing.

I want to write more, but I should probably be in bed. Goodnight, lovelies. ❤

Dee

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Looking Forward

I realize now that yesterday’s post was just one big bitch fest and I apologize. I think it was necessary because I needed a platform to tell what really happened, even if my audience is composed of complete strangers to whom I now probably seem crazy.

If you read yesterday’s post and you’re still here – thank you.

This is not a bitch blog and I don’t want to give the impression that it was. I’ve just had a very bad few months and there was no way for me to go forward with a personal blog without having gotten it off my chest. I actually feel loads better knowing it’s out there in the open.



I’ve just gotten off track and clicked that button twice and now there’s two lines and I haven’t the slightest idea how to get rid of them. Sorry.

Okay, so going out with Mr. Beetle tonight. Going to have Japanese and then play Pokémon, I think. I’ve decided to dust off the old hot rollers in attempt to try something new which I’m sure will probably end horrifically as all my hair attempts do, but I just…want to look pretty, I guess. I have very thin and fine hair, so most hairstyles look awful and expose thin spots. Curls often cover it because I have very curl-prone hair, so I can get some major volume if I try at it. I just also have very frizzy hair, so there’s a thin line to walk in taming it!

I have a career placement meeting Thursday with my college and a mock interview, so I’m trying to prepare for that. I’m rotten at interviews, though, so my nerves are shot and it’s not even a real interview!

As for actual work, I’ve started a few smaller streams of income that I can hopefully build up in the meantime. I’ve started a YouTube account and loaded a few videos doing that whole surprise toy opening thing (if you don’t know about it, you probably don’t have kids in your life). I’ve also been buying things on the cheap and flipping them (mostly stuff I’ve gotten from sales). A few months ago my sister and I hit some major sales and got some serious deals – I’m talking clothes and shoes for a quarter apiece. Cute clothes! My favorite maxi skirt and jeggings came from this sale and cost a quarter for each! We ended up spending about $50 together and we retailed at over $1200. Seriously. So I’ve been working through that stock and selling the clothes off on Facebook groups and Letgo. If you know of any better outlets for selling clothes, though, please let me know!

I recently read that you should have three hobbies: one to make you money, one to keep you fit, and one that you enjoy. So, I decided to pick up something I haven’t done since I was little – making paper from other recycled paper goods. If it goes as well as I remember it going, I might open an Etsy shop for recycled goods. So that’s a potential for hobby which makes me money.

As for keeping fit, that just sounds miserable. I’ve always dabbled in yoga, but that’s more for vegging me out and less for making me fit (let’s be honest, it’s going to take a hell of a lot more than yoga to get my ass in shape). I did, however, think maybe doing a 5k could be fun. I say that now from a very comfortable butterfly chair in which I have sat most of the day, only getting up to eat, pee, or take the dog out. But apparently there’s a program called Couch to 5k and it’s for absolute beginnings to get you ready in 30 days. And I’m not even necessarily saying I would run or even jog the whole thing. It just seems like something fun to do, I think.

As for hobby I enjoy, I may have too many of those already – eating, watching Netflix, playing Xbox, living a better life via Sims 4. What I’m going to do, though, is focus more on writing. It’s my passion and what I truly want to do with my life. And while I’m realistic and know being able to support myself off writing alone is a longshot, it’s not going to stop me. I would write no matter what and always will, even if it’s just for myself or friends. It’s just that big a part of me.

A real job is something I need, though. I’ve been scouring job boards for positions in Columbus (close enough to commute until I can move there) or remote positions. I think I mentioned this in yesterday’s post, but I’m look for fulltime $15/hr or salaried $24,000. I think I’ll be okay on that and can cover my expenses.

Good news: Dad had about a million totes in the attic for me to go through and he’s been saving me up stuff he finds at auctions or estate sales, which is kind of his thing. I pretty much have everything except cutlery and a dinette set. Seriously, he’s got two totes of our older towels that he put up from the divorce, he’s got two totes of pots, pans, and kitchen utensils. He even put up a napkin holder for me! And I didn’t know he’d set aside out old leather couch and my grandma’s chair (which just needs reupholstered and it’s a quick tack job). So I’m actually in pretty good shape. Just minor stuff and things I can deal without at first.

It’s just getting the job and getting out of here. But things are looking up!

Dee

The Mess Deepens

Fuck.

Okay, first off, sorry. I’ve never really been the bloggy type, so this is new and I forget it’s a thing. Sorry sorry sorry for the long gap in posts.

So. Fuck.

Mr. Beetle is back in my life and, apparently, he has intentions to leave his marriage. I asked him if that decision was independent of me, like he was going to do it anyway and he said yes. I don’t know, like of course I want to believe him, I’ve been crazy about him for a long time. But you hear about this sort of thing all the time and it hardly ever works out, like it’s almost always a lie but I want to believe him so bad.

But, I digress.

Right now I’m sitting here watching Angel aaaand that’s about all I’ve been doing lately. I need a job. I had a lead on one that I was soooo excited about, it’s working from home, but you have mandatory training for two weeks in January and guess who got chosen as a petit juror for the month of January? This is my life. I think for about three seconds that maybe I have a path and then the wind blows, the dirt scatters, and the path is gone.

Let’s see…I bought a pepper plant? Well, a dying pepper plant on clearance for a quarter. I thought it might give my life some meaning to revive it, but so far it’s not bouncing back so great. To be fair it was probably a lost cause anyway with winter weather setting in, but it looked so pitiful that I couldn’t pass it up.

NaNoWriMo didn’t happen this month, not with these intense classes I’m in. I’m beyond ready for this degree to be done and over. Done in May, done in May, done in May. That’s all I can keep telling myself. I decided for the time being to hold off on the master’s to let my brain breathe for a little bit.

I guess my current goal right now is to get employed and get out of this house. I need my own place. I need a space that is just mine. The big city about an hour north of here is looking more and welcoming, I’ve even run some price checks on rent in different neighborhoods. I think if I can get a job making around $2000 a month, I can swing it. So that’s my goal right now, to get as close to that as humanly possible.

Oh! I started taking/selling Plexus. And in the first two weeks I GAINED TEN POUNDS. Not sure I’m completely sold on it. But, I started taking an additional product and dropped eight of the ten in a week, so I’m still up two but going to give it another month to see. I mean, honestly, at this point what does it matter, I’m near the heaviest I’ve ever been. Since I quit smoking in July, I put on 30 pounds (now minus eight).

Other than those few updates, there’s nothing new. Started selling my stuff to get some extra cash. Trying to get my hands on a NES Classic just like everyone else. Still miserable. Nothing new.

Dee

First Day of Unemployment

Here’s how it happened:

I knew months ago that it was coming to this. I’d gotten a transfer from a small branch to a more busy location last November and thought I was escaping what had become a miserable living,but little did I know I was jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. It seemed my (now ex-)manager always had one person to pick on. And I was that person.

There was not a thing I could do right. And not to sound snotty (as I’m perfectly aware I was no perfect employee), but I was pretty good at my job. Civil service suited me well and I’m good with the public. My manager, on the other hand, was not. There is a line of work meant for her somewhere, but working with the public is not her thing. She regularly approached patrons with absolute sass, pointed looks, and once (not kidding) I saw her raise her palm to someone’s face so they would be quiet.

Imagine how she could be to her employees if she was like that to patrons. Now imagine how terrible it would be to be her particular favorite. For months I said nothing. It wasn’t until the beginning of this past summer that a coworker finally whispered to me, “How do you smile through it?”

It wasn’t just me. I wasn’t being overly sensitive (having anxiety I tell myself often the problem is me). Someone else had seen. No matter how much I tried to pretend it wasn’t happening, I couldn’t keep my manager from her own actions. By the end of the summer the rest of my coworkers (seven in my building, one sub) had made comments to me. They wanted to know how I kept my mouth shut, they begged me to go to HR, they wondered why she was so verbal with me and not the others.

At this point, I had been taking my lunches in my car so I could cry. I would be on my drive home from work and already anxious to go in the next day. Even at home I stopped leaving my bedroom because I couldn’t concentrate on anything anyway, not even a small conversation. I lived for my days off which slowly become just as bad because my homework was slipping and those were catch-up days.

July 19th was the day it was decided. I sat in my car on lunch, chain-smoking and trying not to cry from the latest snide comment. I was done. Completely and totally done. I pulled the notebook from my purse and started running the numbers. If I cancelled my gym membership (which, let’s be honest, was not being used) and paid off my credit cards, it was doable…if I quit smoking. Cigarettes made up a big portion of my budget (roughly $200 a month). Let me put it this way so you understand how desperate I was feeling – I started smoking young and had smoked a pack a day for ten years…and it was no question. I called the quit line (1-800-QUIT-NOW, it’s free) right then, while on my lunch. It was settled – they would provide patches and I was quitting the following Tuesday.

The coaching sessions with the quit line were quite candid. No, I was not quitting for health. I was quitting so I could quit my job. I really think that was all that got me through it. As of today, I’m on day 73 tobacco-free.

Everything went great for three weeks until my piece of garbage car bit the dust and, ta-da, I had to finance a new one. Slight damper in my plans. But I would not be discouraged…I was getting the hell out of my job. I reworked my finances and got it to a manageable balance. I live and eat at home and get enough money on the side to pay for my car and Netflix, so I’m golden. There’s not going to be any eating out, but I’ve got a safe car, instant show streaming, and still able to quit my job.

So, I did. Yesterday was my last day and, honestly, I don’t think I’ll regret it. I’ve got money to last me through May, so right now I plan on taking a few weeks off to just veg out and realign my life. I plan on participating in NaNoWriMo this year and having two books of a new series finished by the year’s end, so I can throw them up on Kindle Direct and hopefully bring in a little more pocket money.

There is also the option of going on to get my MA next fall, but that’s for another post and another huge issue (debt).

So that’s my background. That’s a large reason why I had a minor meltdown and left my job. I don’t plan on many posts being this lengthy, but the first few will probably be to build a foundation. God, I don’t even know if anyone will read any of this, but if you do – thank you. Thanks for taking the time to read, I’ll try my best to be worthy of your time.

Dee