Quick Update

Apparently I’m going on a cruise in June. Big, my oldest sister, wants to go for her birthday in June and since I’m graduating in May, I agreed. I don’t know how I’ll pay for it, but I’ll figure it out. Right now we’re looking toward a cruise which stops in Mexico and Cuba.

I don’t think I mentioned it yet, but I’m having surgery in mid-April and I’m very nervous about it. I’ve never been put out before or even had twilight sleep. After having an EMG on my arm today, I now officially have a carpal tunnel diagnosis. He said it was moderate and it’s being referred back to my doctor, but he suspects it will be rehab and steroid shots at a minimum and possibly surgery. So now I have a possible second surgery on the horizon.

Today Mom and I started our low-carb diet. I forgot how hard the first few days are! I’ve been starving and so has she. Mr. Beetle is also doing low-carb. Except when we see each other – we give ourselves a dinner cheat on those days, so once or twice a week.

Tomorrow is my mock interview and I’m oddly nervous about it. I suck at interviewing.

I want to write more, but I should probably be in bed. Goodnight, lovelies. ❤

Dee

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A Distraction

Okay, so we’ll call the married guy Mr. Beetle. I’m lame and come up with code names – and he likes VW so, there. Beetle.

I know I mentioned in a previous post that Mr. Beetle and I got into a bit of an argument and haven’t spoken. That was, I think, last Wednesday. And we still haven’t. But, the thing is I’m struggling and trying not to text him. The whole thing has made me panic a bit, I think because I had gotten comfortable with him and so the thought of having to get close to someone again has got me on edge.

It’s also a difficult week for this because I’m home from vacation and also on a break from school this week, so there’s not much to distract me. Because of that (and not wanting to make a whole pointless post on how angst is killing me) I’ll finally write a post about my weight.

This is not easy. I’ve been overweight literally since I can remember (though pictures tell me I started to gain weight around the second grade). My weight is something shared only with my doctor and my family, most often with my eyes cast down at the floor. When I lived in Florida for my internship, I lost 40 lbs. in five months, but have packed it all back on and then some since being home. Even online and anonymous, I can’t bring myself to say my weight.

I need to talk about my weight and cover my attempts at losing it, but because I can’t bring myself to say it I have a system to disguise it. Because I’m an idiot, honestly, like what does it matter if a bunch of strangers know? As silly as it sounds, I was bullied horribly in high school (enough that my parents pulled me and put me in a new school) and the thought of openly writing about my weight is giving me images of harassment through comments. Realistically do I think this will happen? No. The people following this blog all seem so kind. But there are malicious people in the world and once you’ve spent time at their mercy, you tend to avoid anything that might attract that kind of attention again.

I made up a system that consists of blocks of weight so I can openly talk about my weight and give readers a point of reference and comparison.

Current weight: 55 blocks

First goal: 46 blocks

Second goal: 42 blocks

Third goal: 38 blocks

Final goal: 34 blocks

It’s not the trickiest of systems and anyone with a brain could figure it out, but at least now I have deniability! Plus, I’ll likely switch over to pounds once I lose a little weight, but for now we’re on blocks.

I’m going to focus on low-carb/high-protein, which is how I lost the 40 lbs. when I lived in Florida. My body type is endomorph, so I’ll definitely need to focus on trying to get at least a half hour of cardio in every day. I did, however, have to get rid of my gym membership and have no equipment. Does anyone have any good cardio exercises that don’t require equipment (other than power walking or jogging)?

Any low-carb/high-protein recipes are also welcome!

Dee