The Mess Deepens

Fuck.

Okay, first off, sorry. I’ve never really been the bloggy type, so this is new and I forget it’s a thing. Sorry sorry sorry for the long gap in posts.

So. Fuck.

Mr. Beetle is back in my life and, apparently, he has intentions to leave his marriage. I asked him if that decision was independent of me, like he was going to do it anyway and he said yes. I don’t know, like of course I want to believe him, I’ve been crazy about him for a long time. But you hear about this sort of thing all the time and it hardly ever works out, like it’s almost always a lie but I want to believe him so bad.

But, I digress.

Right now I’m sitting here watching Angel aaaand that’s about all I’ve been doing lately. I need a job. I had a lead on one that I was soooo excited about, it’s working from home, but you have mandatory training for two weeks in January and guess who got chosen as a petit juror for the month of January? This is my life. I think for about three seconds that maybe I have a path and then the wind blows, the dirt scatters, and the path is gone.

Let’s see…I bought a pepper plant? Well, a dying pepper plant on clearance for a quarter. I thought it might give my life some meaning to revive it, but so far it’s not bouncing back so great. To be fair it was probably a lost cause anyway with winter weather setting in, but it looked so pitiful that I couldn’t pass it up.

NaNoWriMo didn’t happen this month, not with these intense classes I’m in. I’m beyond ready for this degree to be done and over. Done in May, done in May, done in May. That’s all I can keep telling myself. I decided for the time being to hold off on the master’s to let my brain breathe for a little bit.

I guess my current goal right now is to get employed and get out of this house. I need my own place. I need a space that is just mine. The big city about an hour north of here is looking more and welcoming, I’ve even run some price checks on rent in different neighborhoods. I think if I can get a job making around $2000 a month, I can swing it. So that’s my goal right now, to get as close to that as humanly possible.

Oh! I started taking/selling Plexus. And in the first two weeks I GAINED TEN POUNDS. Not sure I’m completely sold on it. But, I started taking an additional product and dropped eight of the ten in a week, so I’m still up two but going to give it another month to see. I mean, honestly, at this point what does it matter, I’m near the heaviest I’ve ever been. Since I quit smoking in July, I put on 30 pounds (now minus eight).

Other than those few updates, there’s nothing new. Started selling my stuff to get some extra cash. Trying to get my hands on a NES Classic just like everyone else. Still miserable. Nothing new.

Dee

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